Tuesday afternoon I was informed by my school leaders that I need to have the remainder of my fees for lecture phase in by Friday. I still need $1700 and was praying about what God wanted me to do. Tuesday night I felt led to fast until Friday evening.
Since then I have been spending a lot of time in the prayer room. I have been soaking myself in the Word and really seeking God's heart for me during this time. Yesterday during my dinner-time prayer, God told me to read Song of Solomon. As I was reading that God gave a wonderful revelation of what His heart is for me in this.
He told me that this has nothing to do with the money. It has nothing to do with this school. It has nothing to do with outreach and the Philippines. This is all about me and Him. He told me that He simply wants my attention and affection. That is the only thing that matters. He wants to show me how much He desires me and He wants me to fall madly in love with Him.
My motives for my fast have changed. I no longer care if I get the money I need or if I receive the physical healing I so desperately want. Now all that matters is that I experience greater intimacy with Him. I still believe that called me to go on outreach and therefor I have complete faith that He will provide for me financially, but even if He doesn't, it's fine!
I will be okay if I don't get my money and I have to go home because it's not about that. It's simply about this love story between me and my Creator.
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