Today was the final day of week one lectures! This week has been seriously intense. I knew that one of the big reasons God was leading me to DTS was so that He could really work healing in my life. I expected things to get pretty intense emotionally but definitely did not expect it get so intense so quickly. I was expecting that the first couple weeks would be an easing into time, but no! God hit me hard with a bunch of things that needed dealt with and exposed several things from past where God wants to bring healing. It was difficult. It was painful. But it was so very good.
I still have a lot that I need to process and know that this was only the first step in the healing process. I am excited and nervous all at the same time about this. Walking through the healing process is a scary thing. I know that it's good, but it also sucks quite a bit! It's not easy to dig down deep into emotions that have burried for 19 years. It's even harder to look at the source of those emotions.
The human mind and heart is a very beautiful, yet very scary place to be. It's easy for me to walk around and convince myself that I am fine when, if I am honest with myself, I know that I am far from. The thing that scares the most about this process is not feeling the pain or reliving the experiences that caused the pain, it's discovering who I am underneath all the pain. I was sharing with one of the guys in the School of Biblical studies about some of the things I'm working through and had a very profound realization. I am terrified of finding out who I really am. I have gone so long trying to be what I think other people want and covering up myself that I have no idea who I am underneath it all and I am scared that once I strip all that away, I won't like the person I discover.
I, like everyone else who has ever walked this earth (aside from Jesus, of course) have some gross, dark places inside my heart. Those places scare me. I am so scared to look into those places and see the ugliness that is me in my sin. I don't want to go there. I'm scared that if I do, it will seep out between the cracks and may take over me. I know that this is all just fear and I know that God is bigger than that and I'm his creation and I've surrendered him and blah blah blah. I know all this. But the fear is still there. It's a scary place to be when you're looking deep asking God to open you up and heal you and run across these dark places. It is absolutely terrifying but I won't allow the fear to stop me or control me.
I will look into the dark places of my soul and will allow God to shine His light. I will go where there is darkness and sin and yuckiness and allow Christ's healing power to come into those places and transform me. I will allow God to take me into the dark places of my heart so that I can then go into the dark places in the world and bring light and healing.
He is faithful and will not leave me alone in this. He will be faithful and He will make a way. Of this I am sure.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
OH Canada!
The last six days have been quite the adventure. It's been really interesting to see what God's done already in such a short amount of time. It makes me even more expectant and excited about what He's going to do during the rest of my time here!
This blog is going to be an overview of my schedule for the next three months and let you know the surrounding and environment that I have found myself in!
First off, this is a REALLY small base. There are just about fifty people here at the base. That's everyone! Students and staff! Our DTS has 9 students, only one of which is a guy, and 5 DTS staff. I'm the only one from the states! There is one girl from Australia who is 23 and a girl from S. Korea who is 26. The other six students are all from Canada and are all between the ages of 18 and 20. The town of Turner Valley which is where the base is, has less than 2,000 people which has been a huge adjustment for me to make! I think Great Falls is small and there are somewhere around 64,000 there!
It's definitely been a huge adjustment but I love the people and I love the area.... for the most part! :) It really reminds me a lot of Montana. We're right on a river and there are tons of trees and farmland all around. Sunday I went to a small church which REALLY reminded me of Montana! It was great!
Alright, now onto my schedule! I know there are some people out there who are probably wondering why I would be asking people to help me pay for a school and hopefully this will give you some insight into that. Yes, what I'm doing right now is a schooling program but it is not like any sort of regular college at all! One of the big differences is that we have work duties. My work duty is supper clean up. And let me tell you, cleaning up after 50 people is quite the job! We are required to put in two hours of work duty mon-fri. This makes it pretty near impossible to have any sort of job outside of the DTS school, not to mention the fact that they don't allow to be working any sort of outside job while you are here because they want to be focusing on the school and what God is doing in you and teaching you. So, with that said, here is what my weekly schedule looks like:
Monday:
7:30am- breakfast. This is not mandatory but encouraged. 7am comes way to early for me but I've been making it a point to be at breakfast every morning and get into a good schedule
8am- prayer and bible meditation. Once again, not necessary but STRONGLY encouraged
8:30- intecession. This is a time when we get together to pray for issues that God places upon our hearts. It could be a people group, a country, an event or an issue. Pretty much anything.
9:30- Class. Every week is a different theme/topic/class and the school brings in different people each week to teach and lecture. The themes are: Wk 1- Kingdom Life and Community. Wk 2- Father heart of God Wk 3- Personal Design Wk 4- How to Study Your Bible Wk 5- Laying Down Your Rights Wk 6- Go Conference-- this is a missions conference that we will be attending Wk 7- Kingdom of God & Mini Outreach-- this week we will be traveling to the very north of Alberta and doing some missions work in a town up there. I'll be giving more information when it's made available. Wk 8- Relationships Wk 9- Fear of God Wk 10- Holy Spirit Wk 11- Spirtual Warfare/Financial Stewardship Wk 12- Mission/Eveangelism. After this we will be going on our outreach which I'll exlpain more about later!
12:30- Lunch
1:30- Bible Study-- this is something we will be doing as a group. Every week we will doing a study on a different book of the Bible. We will be looking at it using the Inductive study method (I might go into that in another post) and discussing the book.
2:30-- study/work duties/free time-- Because my work duty is supper clean up, I have this entire time to do pretty much whatever I want with. Every week we are given a creative processing assignment to help us work through what we are learning (this assignment is really cool! basically we just have to come with something creative that explains what we've gotten from the week's lectures. It can be a song, a dance, a painting, a story, a drama.. pretty much anything creative!) and we also have book reports we have to do. This time block is a space where I can work on my assignments, do laundry, take a nap, go into town.... pretty much anything.
5:30 supper-- After supper I have two hours of clean up so depending on when I get done eating, I'll be done with my work duties sometime around 8pm and then have the rest of the evening free.
Tuesday:
7:30- breakfast
8:00- prayer and bible meditation
8:30- all base worship-- this one pretty much explains itself. This is time when the entire base comes together to worship the Lord through song in an intimate, corporate setting.
9:30- class
12:30- lunch
1:30- world view discussion- this is a two hour block of time where we will dicuss different world views and how that compares to a biblical world view. Each week we will look at some form of artistic expression that displays a different world view. We'll be watching documentaries, listening to music, etc, and then discussing.
3:30- free time/study
5:30- Supper/work duty
Wednesday:
730- breakfast
800- prayer and bible meditation
830- out loud readings-- during this time we will be coming together to read outloud the book of the bible that we'll be studying the following week
9:30- DTS worship-- this is time of worship for just our dts and staff
10:30- class
12:30- lunch
130- study/free time
530- supper
Thursday:
730- breakfast
800- prayer and bible meditation
830-- prayer for the nations-- this is when the entire base will come together to pray for a specific nation or people group
930- class
1230- lunch
130- study/free time
430- community outreach prep, every other week-- every other week everyone will participate in community outreach, some will be doing cowboy church at a local church and others will be helping with a local youth group this. every other thursday is cowboy church
530- supper
630- community outreach
Friday:
730- breakfast
800- prayer and bible meditation
830- outreach prep-- this will happen as we get closer to leaving for our big outreach at the end of our lecture phase
1000- class
1230- lunch
130- small group- this is time for us to just hang out and have fun as a group
300- study/free time
430- community outreach prep (youth group) every other friday
530- supper
630- community outreach
Saturdays and Sundays are free days.
In addition to this, each one of us will also be meeting once a week with a staff member for one on one times. During this time we'll be able to talk with our staff, pray and ask questions. This will also be when we turn in our creative processing assignment.
There's so much to share with you all but dinner begins in 2 minutes so I'd better hurry up! I will be posting again soon when I find out more about where our outreach will be and what we'll be doing. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!!!!
This blog is going to be an overview of my schedule for the next three months and let you know the surrounding and environment that I have found myself in!
First off, this is a REALLY small base. There are just about fifty people here at the base. That's everyone! Students and staff! Our DTS has 9 students, only one of which is a guy, and 5 DTS staff. I'm the only one from the states! There is one girl from Australia who is 23 and a girl from S. Korea who is 26. The other six students are all from Canada and are all between the ages of 18 and 20. The town of Turner Valley which is where the base is, has less than 2,000 people which has been a huge adjustment for me to make! I think Great Falls is small and there are somewhere around 64,000 there!
It's definitely been a huge adjustment but I love the people and I love the area.... for the most part! :) It really reminds me a lot of Montana. We're right on a river and there are tons of trees and farmland all around. Sunday I went to a small church which REALLY reminded me of Montana! It was great!
Alright, now onto my schedule! I know there are some people out there who are probably wondering why I would be asking people to help me pay for a school and hopefully this will give you some insight into that. Yes, what I'm doing right now is a schooling program but it is not like any sort of regular college at all! One of the big differences is that we have work duties. My work duty is supper clean up. And let me tell you, cleaning up after 50 people is quite the job! We are required to put in two hours of work duty mon-fri. This makes it pretty near impossible to have any sort of job outside of the DTS school, not to mention the fact that they don't allow to be working any sort of outside job while you are here because they want to be focusing on the school and what God is doing in you and teaching you. So, with that said, here is what my weekly schedule looks like:
Monday:
7:30am- breakfast. This is not mandatory but encouraged. 7am comes way to early for me but I've been making it a point to be at breakfast every morning and get into a good schedule
8am- prayer and bible meditation. Once again, not necessary but STRONGLY encouraged
8:30- intecession. This is a time when we get together to pray for issues that God places upon our hearts. It could be a people group, a country, an event or an issue. Pretty much anything.
9:30- Class. Every week is a different theme/topic/class and the school brings in different people each week to teach and lecture. The themes are: Wk 1- Kingdom Life and Community. Wk 2- Father heart of God Wk 3- Personal Design Wk 4- How to Study Your Bible Wk 5- Laying Down Your Rights Wk 6- Go Conference-- this is a missions conference that we will be attending Wk 7- Kingdom of God & Mini Outreach-- this week we will be traveling to the very north of Alberta and doing some missions work in a town up there. I'll be giving more information when it's made available. Wk 8- Relationships Wk 9- Fear of God Wk 10- Holy Spirit Wk 11- Spirtual Warfare/Financial Stewardship Wk 12- Mission/Eveangelism. After this we will be going on our outreach which I'll exlpain more about later!
12:30- Lunch
1:30- Bible Study-- this is something we will be doing as a group. Every week we will doing a study on a different book of the Bible. We will be looking at it using the Inductive study method (I might go into that in another post) and discussing the book.
2:30-- study/work duties/free time-- Because my work duty is supper clean up, I have this entire time to do pretty much whatever I want with. Every week we are given a creative processing assignment to help us work through what we are learning (this assignment is really cool! basically we just have to come with something creative that explains what we've gotten from the week's lectures. It can be a song, a dance, a painting, a story, a drama.. pretty much anything creative!) and we also have book reports we have to do. This time block is a space where I can work on my assignments, do laundry, take a nap, go into town.... pretty much anything.
5:30 supper-- After supper I have two hours of clean up so depending on when I get done eating, I'll be done with my work duties sometime around 8pm and then have the rest of the evening free.
Tuesday:
7:30- breakfast
8:00- prayer and bible meditation
8:30- all base worship-- this one pretty much explains itself. This is time when the entire base comes together to worship the Lord through song in an intimate, corporate setting.
9:30- class
12:30- lunch
1:30- world view discussion- this is a two hour block of time where we will dicuss different world views and how that compares to a biblical world view. Each week we will look at some form of artistic expression that displays a different world view. We'll be watching documentaries, listening to music, etc, and then discussing.
3:30- free time/study
5:30- Supper/work duty
Wednesday:
730- breakfast
800- prayer and bible meditation
830- out loud readings-- during this time we will be coming together to read outloud the book of the bible that we'll be studying the following week
9:30- DTS worship-- this is time of worship for just our dts and staff
10:30- class
12:30- lunch
130- study/free time
530- supper
Thursday:
730- breakfast
800- prayer and bible meditation
830-- prayer for the nations-- this is when the entire base will come together to pray for a specific nation or people group
930- class
1230- lunch
130- study/free time
430- community outreach prep, every other week-- every other week everyone will participate in community outreach, some will be doing cowboy church at a local church and others will be helping with a local youth group this. every other thursday is cowboy church
530- supper
630- community outreach
Friday:
730- breakfast
800- prayer and bible meditation
830- outreach prep-- this will happen as we get closer to leaving for our big outreach at the end of our lecture phase
1000- class
1230- lunch
130- small group- this is time for us to just hang out and have fun as a group
300- study/free time
430- community outreach prep (youth group) every other friday
530- supper
630- community outreach
Saturdays and Sundays are free days.
In addition to this, each one of us will also be meeting once a week with a staff member for one on one times. During this time we'll be able to talk with our staff, pray and ask questions. This will also be when we turn in our creative processing assignment.
There's so much to share with you all but dinner begins in 2 minutes so I'd better hurry up! I will be posting again soon when I find out more about where our outreach will be and what we'll be doing. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!!!!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
41 hours to go!
God is good! I was really uncertain as to how I was going to get to the YWAM base in Turner Valley. I had a friend who was going to drive me but then she got a job the next day and has to work the days she'd need to drive me there and back. I didn't know what I was going to do and was looking into the cost of plane tickets but didn't think it'd be a possibility. My mom then told me that she'd go ahead and pay for my ticket! YAY GOD! Not only that, but I have a layover in L.A. and will get to see one of my gr eat friends whom I've not seen in a year and a half.
Now I am just waiting on God to send me the finances I need! I know that He is faithful and will provide for me. If you are wanting to help me out and send financial support you can send checks to: Youth With A Mission, Box 730, Turner Valley, AB, T0L 2A0
Make checks out to YWAM and include my name somewhere in the mailing, either on the subject line of the check or on a sepearte piece of paper.
Thank you to everyone who has supported this part, weather that be financial, prayerfully, or just emotionally. I am so thankful for the people God has placed in my life.
I can't wait to get up there and get into things and see what God has for me. Please follow along with me on this adventure. I will try to post at least one update a week to keep everyone in the loop!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
My Head is Spinning!
Wow! I am sure glad God knows what He's doing because I certainly don't! Last week I got a phone call from the YWAM base in Lakeside letting me know that I had not been accepted there but that there was a base in Canada that they thought would be a really good fit for me. I gave them the go ahead to send them my app and she told me that I'd probably hear back in two days or so. After I'd heard nothing from them, I figured that I probably wasn't going to go. At first I was a little upset with God and really questioning a lot because I had no idea where to go from there. Finally on Sunday I came to terms with it all and told God that if He wanted me to stay in Great Falls, I would be okay with that. I actually began to get a litte excited about staying in Great Falls and seeing what God would have for me here.
Today while I was getting ready to go out to dinner with a friend, I got a call from the base in Canada. It was one of the DTS leaders and he was calling because they had some questions about some of the things I had put in my application. We talked for about ten minutes and he let me know that they were still praying over my app and would get back to me within the next couple of days. I got off the phone pretty certain that I was not going to go. Five minutes later the phone rang again. I answered and much to my suprise, it was the DTS leader calling me back. The first thought that ran through my head was, "What now? More questions?" He first apologized for calling twice in five minutes and then let me know that he had talked to his co-leader and they are made their decision and I was accepted!!!!
I am still in shock! I have six days to get everything together before I leave. I have not even begun to raise support yet but I'm trusting God in that. I know He will bring in the finances! Please be praying for me as I start preparing to leave! I have a tendancy to REALLY stress out and I don't want my last week here filled with stress and anxiety. I am trusting that God will give me His peace as I prepare myself to leave. Also, please be praying that God will bring in the finances. I don't know how much I'll need when I get there but I do know that I need around 7,000 total. Thankfully I don't need the entire amount up front! If you would like to help me out financially, or just get put on my mailing list to receive updates, please e-mail me at lyssajane@gmail.com
Monday, July 27, 2009
The next few months
Hello friends, family, and random blog readers! I started this blog in an attempt to try and keep everyone updated on what's going on in my life. So here we go!
In September of last year, after much prayer and thought, I decided to move back to Spokane Washington and go to school for Small Business Management in pursuit of my dream of owning my own coffee shop and music venue. I moved the beginning of December and began school the first week of January. On January 21st both of my grandparents were killed in a car accident and I returned to Montana to be with my family. I had to drop out of school that quarter but returned to school the beginning of Spring Quarter in April. In May I had to drop out a second time because I was unable to deal with everything going on in my life.
In June I came back to Montana unsure of what I would be doing at the end of the summer and if I would go back to Spokane or not. I had already decided that I would not return to school but had no clue what I would do. The day after I got back to Great Falls, a worship team from YWAM Lakeside at our church. It was then that things clicked for me. I prayed about and decided that I was going to apply to YWAM. For those of you who don't know what YWAM is, go here: http://www.ywam.org/contents/abo_wha_ywamexplained.htm
At first I was confused about why I would feel God leading me to go to Spokane and start school just for me to have to drop out and move back to Montana. I have come to realize that God was in fact leading me in that direction but it was for a different reason that I would have thought at first. The reason why I needed to do that was to realize that the dream of owning my coffee shop and music venue was my dream, not God's. It was only through that experience that I realized that God is not calling me to pursue that dream, He has something bigger for me. If I had not gone to Spokane and gone to school, I would still be holding onto and pursing that dream and I would be missing on what God has for me.
I have almost completed my YWAM application and hope to hear back from then within the next two weeks. I am confident that I will be accepted as I really think this was God leading in my life. There were a lot of things pushing me in that direction for several months and I finally began to listen.
Once I am officially accepted, I will begin fundraising. I will have less than two months to come up with almost $6,000!! I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I know that God does. If this is in fact, what God is calling me to, He will provide! And that is where you guys come in!!! :)
I will be sending out support letters to EVERYONE I know and in those letters will be explaining what YWAM is and what I will be doing during my five month DTS (decipleship training school, the first step in YWAM). I will asking people to help me. Yes, I will be doing the dreaded and asking for money. WIthout the financial support of friends and family, I will not be able to go. I know that the economy is not doing well and many people are feeling it but I also know that God owns "the cattle on a thousand hills" and that he will provide for me and He will also provide for every person who is obedient to Him. IF you feel that God might be speaking to you and calling ot help me out financially, please let me know and I will give you more details on how you can do that. If you don't, that's okay because there's still something you can do to help me that's even more importanat than financial support. PRAY! I can't do this without lots of prayer.
Please be praying that I will keep my eyes firmly focused on God during all of this. I have a tendency to focus on my circumstances and when I do that, I limit God's ability to work in my life. I want my goal to be to please and serve God, however he calls me to. Please for God's provision, not just financially but emotionally and spiritually as well.
Thank you for taking time to read this. If you want to know about this, please let me know and inclued you're email address or phiscial mailing address. Feel free to send me an email at lyssajane@gmail.com to ask any questions or to say anything else you'd like!!
In September of last year, after much prayer and thought, I decided to move back to Spokane Washington and go to school for Small Business Management in pursuit of my dream of owning my own coffee shop and music venue. I moved the beginning of December and began school the first week of January. On January 21st both of my grandparents were killed in a car accident and I returned to Montana to be with my family. I had to drop out of school that quarter but returned to school the beginning of Spring Quarter in April. In May I had to drop out a second time because I was unable to deal with everything going on in my life.
In June I came back to Montana unsure of what I would be doing at the end of the summer and if I would go back to Spokane or not. I had already decided that I would not return to school but had no clue what I would do. The day after I got back to Great Falls, a worship team from YWAM Lakeside at our church. It was then that things clicked for me. I prayed about and decided that I was going to apply to YWAM. For those of you who don't know what YWAM is, go here: http://www.ywam.org/contents/abo_wha_ywamexplained.htm
At first I was confused about why I would feel God leading me to go to Spokane and start school just for me to have to drop out and move back to Montana. I have come to realize that God was in fact leading me in that direction but it was for a different reason that I would have thought at first. The reason why I needed to do that was to realize that the dream of owning my coffee shop and music venue was my dream, not God's. It was only through that experience that I realized that God is not calling me to pursue that dream, He has something bigger for me. If I had not gone to Spokane and gone to school, I would still be holding onto and pursing that dream and I would be missing on what God has for me.
I have almost completed my YWAM application and hope to hear back from then within the next two weeks. I am confident that I will be accepted as I really think this was God leading in my life. There were a lot of things pushing me in that direction for several months and I finally began to listen.
Once I am officially accepted, I will begin fundraising. I will have less than two months to come up with almost $6,000!! I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I know that God does. If this is in fact, what God is calling me to, He will provide! And that is where you guys come in!!! :)
I will be sending out support letters to EVERYONE I know and in those letters will be explaining what YWAM is and what I will be doing during my five month DTS (decipleship training school, the first step in YWAM). I will asking people to help me. Yes, I will be doing the dreaded and asking for money. WIthout the financial support of friends and family, I will not be able to go. I know that the economy is not doing well and many people are feeling it but I also know that God owns "the cattle on a thousand hills" and that he will provide for me and He will also provide for every person who is obedient to Him. IF you feel that God might be speaking to you and calling ot help me out financially, please let me know and I will give you more details on how you can do that. If you don't, that's okay because there's still something you can do to help me that's even more importanat than financial support. PRAY! I can't do this without lots of prayer.
Please be praying that I will keep my eyes firmly focused on God during all of this. I have a tendency to focus on my circumstances and when I do that, I limit God's ability to work in my life. I want my goal to be to please and serve God, however he calls me to. Please for God's provision, not just financially but emotionally and spiritually as well.
Thank you for taking time to read this. If you want to know about this, please let me know and inclued you're email address or phiscial mailing address. Feel free to send me an email at lyssajane@gmail.com to ask any questions or to say anything else you'd like!!
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