Rescue is Coming

If there is one thing that growing up in the church taught me, it's how to pretend that everything is okay. I've gotten so good at it that I can even deceive myself into thinking that I'm fine. I honestly don't intentionally lie to people about how I'm doing, it's just second nature to say that everything is fine with a smile on my face. o

Over the past few years I've gotten better about this with the little things but I'm coming to see that is still a problem for me with the big things. I think a part of it is that I get so overwhelmed by whatever it is that I'm going through that I just push it down deep and refuse to think about it. And it works... for a while. But then it comes creeping out around the edges until I break.

The Last Year and Where I am Now

I staffed the lecture phase of the DTS and what a summer it was!  I won't go into much detail because I've already written about it in a previous post. Towards the end of the school I found myself facing another decision. I had been asked to come on staff with the local church I had been attending and help with the coffee shop they were opening downtown and also work as the pastor's assistant. After much prayer and many conversations and prayer times with my YWAM leader, I decided that God was leading me in that direction. And so at the end of the lecture phase I ended my time on staff with YWAM Madison and joined the church staff. 

Working with the church was hands down one of the most challenging work experiences I have ever faced. I won't go into too much detail but two months in I found myself asking God why on earth he had called me to work with them. Nothing was going the way I thought it would or how we had discussed when I first agreed to do work for them. I made up my mind to stick it out with the hope things would get better. 

A Bit of a Recap

Once again it has been a while since I've sat down to write and, once again, it is mostly because there is so much going on inside of me that I have no idea where to start.  Even now and I am staring at these few lines and the cursor on the page wondering how I am going to distill and condense all these thoughts into something understandable and cohesive.

This past year has been a whirlwind of crazy! As usual, I found myself moving multiple times on very short notice but always going where I was sure God was leading me. January of 2011 found me packing up and moving to Kona Hawaii to attend the first ever Church Pioneering School with Youth With a Mission. Those three months were some of the most rewarding, challenging, informative months of my life! When the lecture phase of the school wrapped up, I found myself not going on outreach and not having a clue as to what my  next step would be. At the prompting of some of my friends and leaders I applied to join the cafe staff there. I did not understand why God was leading me to do this because not only did I have no desire to remain in Hawaii for a second longer, I also did not see much value in staying to work in a coffee shop whose customers were all believers and YWAMers. Thankfully God knows more than what we do!

Focused Obedience

Over the past few months I have been slowly working my way through a book by Floyd McClung titled "You See Bones, I See an Army: Changing the way we do church." I purchased the book during my DTS and for some reason it had been shelved for later reading. I don't think I have ever in my life taken so much time to read a book but this is not one for me to just breeze through. There is so much good stuff in here and I've been really taking the time to digest it and reflect upon it.

Just the other day I started part three: Focused Obedience. The first chapter in this section is titled Watch out for the Camels and oh my! God has been speaking to me through this chapter so much.  A lot of it is stuff that I already knew about myself but it's put in such a way that I feel like for the first time instead of just seeing that I have problem in this area, I actually feel like I see ways to make a change.

It is for freedom He set us free

Galatians 5
vs 1. For freedom Christ has set us free, stand firm therefore, and don't submit again to the yoke of slavery.
13. For you were called to freedom, brothers.
16. But I say, walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.

In the card Steve gave me at DTS graduation he included Galatians 5:1 and talked about how he felt that God was saying thta freedom in an area that God has blessed me in and I exemplify freedom (after writing this I went home and found the card and his exact words were: One of the great things God has put in you is freedom. This is not to say you will always feel that way, but it is in you more than most.) I found it very interesting because I don't feel free most of the time. I feel bound in insecurity and lies. I feel bound and enslaved to the fear of man and to sin.
I was struck by verse 16. We are constantly asking how to be free from sin and the answer is found here: walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. That is what most sin is, especially sexual sin: a gratification of the desires of the flesh. Verse 17 says, "for the desired of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh."
But how does one "walk by the Spirit'? When I think of this I am reminded of Ephesians and the "five walks" in chapters 4 and 5. "Walk in a manner worthy of the calling", "walk in truth", "walk in love", "walk as children of light", and "walk as wise."
I don't know if this is the best theological answer to the question of how to walk in the Spirit, but it's a good place to start, I suppose. So, in light of the topic of walking in the Spirit so as not to gratify desires of the flesh, what do each of these look like and why might they help? 

A Journey Like No Other

I am a traveler. I feel the most content when I am moving around from place to place, always  busy, always something new. I begin to feel restless if I'm in one place for too long and the restlessness, if not dealt with, will turn into an urgency, a driving need to do somthing different, to explore new streets and alley ways. A desperate desire to meet new people and hear new stories.

What a Crazy Life!

These past weeks few weeks have been nothing short of eventful! I would love to tell you the long story, but for the sake of time (mine and yours) I'm simply going to share with you all the changes that have happened and where this is taking me.

Tomorrow at 12:45 pm I will leave Kona Hawaii and fly to Honolulu. I will be there for four days, spending time with my aunt and uncle, resting, relaxing and being spoiled (oh how I'm looking forward to that)! :)  When I leave  Honolulu I will head to Great Falls, MT aka Home. I will be spending close to a week in MT. One crazy, busy, hectic week full of family, friends, coffee and general merry-making.