Friday, September 2, 2011

A Journey Like No Other

I am a traveler. I feel the most content when I am moving around from place to place, always  busy, always something new. I begin to feel restless if I'm in one place for too long and the restlessness, if not dealt with, will turn into an urgency, a driving need to do somthing different, to explore new streets and alley ways. A desperate desire to meet new people and hear new stories.


I've felt this way since I graduated highschool and as the years went by the time spent in one location grew shorter as the periods between the feelings of urgency grew closer and closer together. This is, in part, the reason why the past two years have found me in three different states and three countries. I've lived in 8 cities in those two years and have moved 11 times.

It's been a wild adventure full of amazing people, wonderful memories, desperate loneliness, and intimacy with God I have never before experienced. If there is one thing that can be said about living a life completely dedicated to serving and following God, it is that it is never boring. 

As many of you know my most recent big move happened mid May when I moved from Kona HI to Madison WI to staff a YWAM DTS. I cam out here thinking that I would staff the DTS and then sign on a two year contract with YWAM Madison and staff their campus ministry.  God had other plans.

Staffing a DTS for the first time was a challenging experience. I knew it would not be easy but I was not fully prepared for how truy difficult it would be. Every first time DTS staff finds their first time hard but mine was compounded by a few factors. Most people who staff a DTS do so at the same YWAM location they did their DTS or another YWAM school. They already know most of the staff and are familiar with the way they operate (each YWAM locations runs differently). For me, I had no prior experience with YWAM Madison.


I came out here not knowing anyone. There were five staff and all but myself are married. They all knew each other and had staffed prior schools with at least one of the other staff members. Not only did I have to adjust to the role of staff and build relationships and get to know the students, but I also had to get to know my fellow staff. In addition to that, one thing I learned halfway through is that staffing your first dts is like going through it again. It's intense and very emotional. I though I was staffing the school simply to help the students process and experience deep spiritual and emotional breakthough but found that I myself was experiencing a lot of those things.

There were many times that I wanted to quit and go back to Montana. I doubted my ability to do my job well and felt like there was no reason for me to be here. I was a mess. Thankfully, the staff I was working with are amazing people. They helped pull me out of my shell and I was able to talk through a lot with them. They were not only understanding of where I was at, but encouraged me to continue dealing with the things that were coming up and not worry too much about "doing my job".

It was an amazing time of learning to be honest and vulnerable with others and really let them into my life. Up until this point I would rarely talk with people about what I was going through while I was going through it. I always felt this strong need to act like I had things under control. These people help me to break out of that and I really began to see them as family.

At the start of the summer I began attending local church. They met in a park downtown during the summer and a very small church. After the first time I went there I wasn't sure that I would continue attending. Not because there was anything wrong with the people or the content of the services, but just because it is so much smaller than what I am used to. After praying though it, though, I really felt as though it was where God was calling me.

On August fifth I met with the pastor. The purpose of this meeting was just for me to learn more about the church: their mission, their vision, and where they felt God was leadng them. During this conversation I found about more about the coffee shop they are opening up and discovered that their vision is very similar to the vision God has been giving  me about a coffee shop and community center. At one point during out conversation my pastor, half way joking said, "Can I just steal you away from YWAM and have you work with us?" Later on in the conversation he told me that he honestly wanted me pray about being more involved in what they were doing and asked me to consider working with them part time and YWAM part time.

That weekend I could think of nothing else. I prayed about it a lot and talked it through with a few people that I really trust. At the end of the weekend I had decided that I was going to pursue it more. I met with the pastor again to talk more details about it and decided that I would not sign a contract with YWAM to continue working with them. For those of you who know me you know that it has been my dream for 10 years to open a coffee shop and music venue and here God was putting this opportunity right in my lap. It just did not make sense for me to say no.

So, a week and a half before the end of the DTS I told my leader (whom I had been talking to about the whole thing so he knew that I was thinking about it) that I had made my decision and was going to work with the church.

Here I am. The DTS ended two weeks ago and the student left for outreach. I took a week off and started working with the church last week. My job is multi-faceted and still very fluid and changing. What we have decided for sure is this: I will be working a total of 50 hours a week. 28 hours will be working on the floor of the coffee shop as a barista and shift manager. I am also going to be the arts and music manger so I will be spending 4 hours a week focusing on that. I will be booking bands, organizing events, and finding local artists to display their work. Another 18 hours a week will be spent working directly with my pastor. For right now we are saying that I am his administrative assistant but we're still figuring out what that will look like.

God has opened some amazing doors for me and I am so excited to be walking through them. I know this is not the fulfillment of the things He has been speaking to me, but it is definitely a part of the larger picture. The church is small and therefor does not have the money to actually pay me a sallary but I will be getting a stipend from them. I will be making $500 a month which will barely cover my living expenses, but it will go a long way! I am hoping to raise an addition $200/month in support so that I can make ends meet.

As I know more about what everything will look like, I will continue to update all of you wonderful people!
God is so amazing and I am so glad that I have chosen this life. It has not been easy and there have been many times when I've wanted to give up and just live a "normal" life, but in reality there is no other way I want to live. This is an amazing adventure full of sorrow and joy, goodbyes and hellos. This God that I serve is big and loving and never ceases to amaze me.

I hope that you come to experince these things yourself. Once you do, you will be forever ruined for the ordinary. And you will not regret a single moment of it.

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