The Shadow of the Cross in on My Heart

 “Take up your cross daily and follow me.” Eight words spoken over 2,000 years ago that still ring in the hearts and ears of many. What do they mean? 2,000 years ago the people who heard these words would have immediately understood their meaning because they had intimate knowledge of what the cross was. Today it is not so. Today we have a very limited framework for the understanding of the meaning of the cross. We know that Jesus died on a cross. We know that upon it was bought our freedom, but when it comes to an actual understanding of the physical cross itself, our frame of reference comes mainly from art work and jewelry. How do we get back to the original meaning and apply this to our lives?

Not that many years ago cross jewelry became quite popular. Many famous people were wearing cross necklaces and, therefor, a lot of the public began to also wear this iconic piece of jewelry. I remember being so disgusted. You would turn on the television and see videos with rap stars singing about all manner of sexual perversion, violence, and greed while sporting large crosses around their necks. Since then, I have never worn a cross. I refused to be associated with that culture. Not because I didn't want to be associated with the cross, but rather because I did not want to be associated with the commonness it had been turned to. It meant nothing to most of these people, I didn't want anyone to think that I was just another teenager wearing a pretty little cross around my neck because it was the cool thing to do. I was disgusted and grieved but what popular culture had done to a symbol that once held so much significance.

This is what the cross has been reduced to for much of the western world. A pretty piece of jewelry that is sometimes worn to represent one's faith, and sometimes just because it's “cute” or popular. But this is not what the cross is! Jesus said, “Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me.” I'm pretty sure He was not intending for us to wear a piece of jewelry around our necks as a means of living this out. So what is the cross? What did the cross represent to the people whom he first spoke those words to thousands of years ago?

The word excruciating was first used to describe the pain of the cross. Death on a cross was such a unique and painful torture that they had to come up with a brand new word to describe the pain suffered. Not only was it incredibly painful, but it was the most severe form of humiliation as well. Many scholars believe that people were crucified naked. They were hung up on a cross wearing nothing, completely exposed and vulnerable to any onlooker. When speaking of the cross, Cicero, a Roman philosopher, described crucifixion as “a most cruel and disgusting punishment.”

From this we can gather that when Jesus told his disciples and those around to take up their cross and follow him, it evoked some fairly strong emotions. He was, in essence, telling them to willingly pick up and carry pain, suffering, humiliation, and even death. This was no light thing.

So, what does this mean for me? In my comfortable western lifestyle I think it's safe to say that I haven't had much of a cross to bear. I have not been humiliated, I have not faced great physical pain inflicted by others. My suffering has been light and fleeting compared to the suffering of the cross. I do not face death every time I tell a person on the street about Jesus. I might risk my reputation, but what is that in comparison to my life?

I don't know yet what this should look like for me. I don't know what my cross is, but I know that I must be willing to pick it up. I must deny myself. That means not looking first to my wants and needs but looking first to the Kingdom. It means being uncomfortable and not having everything I want. It might mean being essentially homeless when I go back to Montana. It might mean losing all of my friends because I've become “too radical”. But I know it is worth it.

The beautiful story of an old Chinese man by the name of Peter Xu drove this home for me this past week. Hearing what he went through in China for the sake of the Gospel was so convicting. Listening to him speak of being in prison and tortured because he dared to speak of his deep faith, brought so much sorrow, and yet so much joy.

He said two things last week that will continue to ring in my heart and my heart and mind. Two things that I hope I never forget. Two things that will change how I see myself and how I see my role where God has placed me.

The first of these was spoken on the first day of lectures. After sharing about his first experience with church in China, he looked around the room and said, “I look around and see all of you young people. I see you and I see the future of the church in America. I see you and I see the future of the church in the world.” With these simple words, I heard the heart of God. He sees me and He sees the future of the Church in America. But it's not just me, it's every young person who is willing to lay everything down for the pursuit of Jesus. It's every young person who is willing to run after God and seek His Kingdom first and contend to see His Kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven. We are the future of the Church in America. Not in the sense of buildings and programs but in the sense of the body of Christ.

The second thing Peter said that so stood out to me he said twice. After telling us of being hung on a door in a very similar position as Christ and sharing that it was in that moment that he felt the closest to God, he said, “The shadow of the cross is on my life.” And then, later. “The shadow of the cross is on your life. It is on our lives.” The shadow of the cross is on my life! As I lay down my life day after day, that shadow becomes darker and more visible. It is not something that can be put on and taken off, but it is something that was ingrained upon me when I made that decision to do whatever it takes to see the Kingdom come on earth. It will be forever upon me. The shadow of the cross is on me. The shadow of pain. Of humiliation and death. The shadow of grace and redemption and freedom. They are forever imprinted upon my life.

This past week stirred up something in my heart. I no longer am content to live my safe, western Christian life. I am no longer content to sit within the four walls of the church building praising my God in a safe, secure environment. I want to live a life of risk. Of crazy faith! A life that is willing to risk everything. I want to share the Gospel no matter what the cost might be to me. Whether it be jail, death, beating, or even just my reputation. It is worth it! I am willing to risk EVERYTHING I have, my family, my security, my reputation, my health, my safety, my friends, my very life, all for the sake of knowing Him and making Him known. I am willing to deny myself, take up my cross and follow Jesus, no matter the cost. What about you? Are you willing to lay everything down for you God, for your Faith, for your Jesus? If you're not willing to risk everything, then how much does it really mean to you?