The past few months I have been thinking about relationships a lot. It seems that almost everyone I know is in a serious romantic relationship. Now, I guess that's not all that unusual given my age, but this is the first time since I can remember that every single one of my closest girl friends have boyfriends/fiances. At the 20 somethings group at my church I am one of only three single girls. That can make things a little awkward when there are 10+ single guys.
As I watch my friends pair off and get serious, I've begun noticing more and more that our culture is so relationship driven. Especially our western church culture. It hasn't happened in a while, but it used to be that every time I would come back after having been away for a while, I would end up having the same conversation over and over that was more than a little awkward. It would go something like this: Well intentioned adult at church: "Melyssa! It's so good to see you! How are you doing?" Me: "It's good to see you, too. I am doing well." WIA: "How is Washington?" Me: "It's great, I really like it there." WIA: "That's good! So, are you seeing anyone?" Me: "No, still single." WIA: "Oh. Well, I'm sure that you'll find someone soon." End of conversation.
Now, I'm sure this is not what their intentions were but this is how their comments came across: You are not fully an adult, nor are you fully capable of accomplishing anything great until you are married. It got to the point that, in an effort to just get it out of the way, I would literally start conversations with some people by telling them I was still single.
After a while people stopped asking, but it was obvious by the way they related with me that they thought that there must be something wrong with me. I could it see it in their eyes when they talked to me and I could tell from the random things they would say referencing relationships and marriage. I could read it in their faces. The things that communicated, "Poor Melyssa. She's such a lovely young woman with so many things going for her. There must be something wrong with her if she's still single." The older I've gotten, the worse it's become. I don't get invited to certain functions because I'm single. I get excluded from certain conversations. Married people act a bit awkward and don't quite know how to relate to me.
I have been single for all but one year of my adult life. It's never really been an issue for me. I don't mind being single. Yes, I would like to get married one day but I am in no rush to make that happen. The closer I get to thirty, however, the more pressure I feel to find someone and start moving towards marriage. There is something about that number. When you're in your twenties, it's not so uncommon to be single but when you reach thirty, it's as though everything has changed. There is this unspoken understanding that if you are not married or at least in a serious relationship by the time you reach thirty, it is likely not going to happen. Now, I know that this is not true, but most people think that way. I know no one will come out and say it to my face, but it is there.
So, as I fight the feelings of impending doom with every day closer to thirty I become, I will continue to grow more and more into the person God is shaping me into and do my very best to be content with where God has me: single with no prospects. I know that God's ways are so much better than mine and His expectations trump those of every person who expects me to "settle down and raise a family." I will enjoy life to fullest. In all my singleness. I will fight back the lies that whisper in my ear that there must be something very wrong with me because no guy is pursuing me with the truth that there is nothing wrong with me and I am exactly where God wants me to be and HE is pursuing me!
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